Grunt Family - Chapter 1

Welcome back to Area 62. Our first stop today is the home of General Buzz Grunt and his three boys. Now I will warn you from the start that General Buzz is known throughout Area 62 as a bit of a bully. Unfortunately, some of his bullyish ways have continued in his home and passed on to at least one of his sons. So now I had you over to Buck Grunt, youngest of the General's three boys. Buck...

Thank you, mysterious voice. It is no secret that my dad is a bit of a jerk. I'm not sure he really means to be such a jerk all the time and I can't really hold him too much at fault because my grandpa, General Chip, was also a jerk and I think he kinda instilled that into his son. But don't go thinking that I'm a jerk, because I'm not, really. Or that my brother Ripp is because he's not. Just Tank. Tank's the jerk.

I guess it all comes from Tank's desire to please my father. You see my dad doesn't like Ripp that much. He says Ripp is too lazy to be his son and is convinced my mother had an affair and the result was Ripp. This is of course not true at all! My dad likes me well enough but it is pretty obvious that Tank is his favorite. Since my dad doesn't like Ripp, Tank doesn't like Ripp. It's kinda sad really but Tank is always trying to pick a fight with him.
But Ripp is too good natured and usually walks away from him which only makes Tank even madder. I'm friends with Ripp. We get along great. He is glad. He told me that he was so excited to have someone in the house that was actually nice to him. See, ever since my mom left there has been no one to help protect Ripp from the General's fury. Me? I just kind of fly under the radar and avoid problems.

Now my dad is super nosy. He bought these awesome telescopes not to look at the stars but to spy on the neighbors. See my dad got sent out here by the government to investigate some alien landing. He since was forced to retire because of some of his outrageous ways. Maybe I'll get into that later. But anyway, he still does his spying because he says it has to do with his duty as a citizen or some crap like that. But he is pretty convinced that fishy stuff happens with these three brothers that live up on the hill. I think its kinda weird that three brothers live together without any girls but whatever. Anyway, my dad always spies on them.
One day though, and I don't know how this happened, one of the brothers, I think is name is Vicrum or Victor or Vicilious or something, caught him. He was NOT happy with my dad. In fact he burst right into our house and starting shoving my dad around.
My dad wasn't very happy but he didn't do anything because I was around and he does try and keep his temper in check around me. I'm not sure why but he does.

So I was looking through some old pictures and I found this one:
I think its kind of sad but it just goes to show you how rough life is around our house for poor Ripp.

Like I said though, my dad does try with me. Sometimes he even pushes me on the swings. That is until Tank shows up to train. Then my dad leaves me to swing by myself.
I really miss my mom. I don't remember her too well. Sometimes I dream about her but they aren't always happy dreams. Sometimes she tells me that my dad isn't as bad as he seems and sometimes she says something about a crazy old woman with a lot of dead husbands. They don't make a lot of sense to me but I like those dreams because I get to see her and when she sees me she smiles. My dad doesn't smile.
So one day after school Tank and Ripp got into it again. Apparently, Ripp was spending time with some girl that Tank liked and was in his class. I think her name was Virginia or something. Tank was yelling and shouting at Ripp and there was water everywhere in the kitchen. I'm not real sure what happened but I think Tank was throwing water in Ripp's face.
Would you believe this? Even though Tank is so awful to Ripp and hates him so much Ripp sat Virginia down to talk and told her that he couldn't hurt his brother and they needed to stop what they were doing. Virginia was pretty upset and cried a lot. I don't know why Ripp did that.
But Tank never even said thank you to Ripp. Ripp really liked that girl and Tank didn't even care. He just headed off to La Fiesta Tech one day and left Virginia behind. I thought that was pretty crappy.
Shortly after Tank went to college I became a teenager. I am pretty excited to start high school. I'm hoping that maybe I can find a girlfriend like Ripp. Well maybe not exactly like Ripp but I think a girlfriend would be cool. I mean I'm good friends with Jill Smith and all but she still seems like just a kid to me and besides my dad would loose it if he knew I was friends with her. Her dad's an alien.

Buck Grunt
Aspiration: Family
LTW: Become Captain Hero
Turn Ons: Blonde Hair and Swimsuits
Turn Off: Full-face Make-up

Not long after my birthday Ripp left for La Fiesta Tech too. I will really miss Ripp. I'm not looking forward to being alone with my dad. But Ripp had to go. If he didn't go to college I was pretty sure he was going to leave and never come back. Although I doubt he and my dad will ever be on good terms.
After becoming a teenager I decided that it was time for me to loose that gut I had been carrying around for so long. I mean if I was going to find a suitable wife I had to look a little better so I set off to work out. I was NOT going to have my dad train me but I know he was pleased to see me putting for the physical effort that I was. And before long my gut was gone. I'm not cut like Tank was but at least I'm not soft around the middle anymore.
I then decided that I wanted to go to the Area Academy. My dad had tried to get us into private school once before but got angry with the headmaster when he told my dad that all three of his sons would be admitted and not just Tank and me. My dad was furious and said that any school that would admit the likes of Ripp was most definitely not for his sons. So the headmaster was not impressed and left right away.

Luckily for me, that headmaster was gone and a new one was present. I invited him over, showed him the house, made him dinner and schmoozed with him and I got in! So I will going to the Area Academy starting Monday!
Now get read for a massive gag fest. But I have to tell you all of what has been going on and unfortunately for all of us it involves my dad and some romance, uck! My dad has got a thing for our maid, Genesis Lam. I didn't think my dad would ever find another lady but I guess with Tank and Ripp gone to college he figures he's got to do something. So he took Genesis out on a date. You would never believe where they went. They went to P.U.R.E!!! My dad is OLD! That's not where OLD people go on dates, what the heck? And he was DANCING!
Anyway, I'm so glad I wasn't there because I think I would have died to see my dad cuddling up with Genesis on one of the sofas. ::gags::
I really would have died if I would have seen my dad making out with her! ::runs off to vomit::
But my dad ran into this guy Loki Beaker. I think the dude has some problems. Someone really needs to tell him that there isn't anybody there.
I don't know what is going to happen with my dad and Genesis but I don't really want to think about it. I've got my own love life to think about. That's right. I've got a girlfriend! Her name is Brandi Charvat and she's real pretty. She kissed me for the first time in front of our maple tree. She's a real good kisser.
Did I tell you that she's a real good kisser?

So anyway, that's what's been going on in our house.

Sounds like a lot.

Yeah I guess so.

So what about Jill Smith?

What about her? She's still a kid. I'm in love with Brandi.

Mmmm, okay Buck. If you say so.

Go to Loner Family - Chapter 1